Domestic violence is an act of violence committed by someone within the victim’s domestic circle, which includes immediate family members, partners, ex-partners, relatives, and even friends. This form of violence manifests in various ways, which we will explore further in this discussion.

According to the WHO, an overwhelming majority of domestic violence victims are women, with 1 in 3 women having experienced or been exposed to domestic violence in their lifetime. In 2022, the UN reported that approximately 48,800 women worldwide lost their lives to domestic violence, either at the hands of intimate partners or other family members. The statistics are even higher in countries severely affected by gender inequality, where cases of domestic violence are extremely volatile and often underreported.

How do we protect women from this pervasive culture that seems ingrained in society? First, by learning to recognize the signs of domestic violence so that we can protect ourselves and stand in support of other women and young girls around us.

Recognising the Signs of Domestic Violence

It’s common for people to think they are immune to Domestic Violence, but that’s not true. It can affect anyone, and most people don’t see it coming until they are deeply entrenched and unable to get out. Domestic violence can be subtle and manipulative, making it hard to recognise. Here are some common signs to watch for, both in yourself and in others:

• A constant feeling of apprehension and anxiety about upsetting one’s partner.
• Pressure to cut off contact with friends and family, leading to isolation.
• Controlling and possessive behaviours, such as not allowing a partner to work, controlling their access to money, belittling them, and making unwarranted accusations, including accusations of cheating.
• Not taking responsibility for their actions and always blame you for everything.
• Violent and intimidating outbursts from the partner, including threats and destruction of property.
• Being pressured or forced into sexual acts that you don’t want.
• Unexplained injuries and cuts, wearing long clothes to hide them, and fear of visiting the doctor for medical attention.

Even if you or someone you know experiences just one or two signs of domestic violence, it is still important to take action. Domestic violence can escalate over time, so it’s never too early to seek help. It is also not a family problem to be resolved in silence.

While providing the much-needed help, please understand that domestic violence can be complex, and its impact on the mental health of victims must not be underestimated. Helping them requires patience, understanding, and respect for their experiences and consent. Beyond removing them from a violent situation, continuous support and empowerment are also essential. There are several ways we can empower survivors and provide on-going support, we will explore some of them.

• Educate yourself: Learn about the different forms of domestic violence and the signs to recognise. The more informed you are, the better you can support survivors.
• Believe and validate: When someone confides in you about abuse, believe them and validate their experience. Avoid judgment and focus on their courage in sharing their story. 
• Support and respect their choices: Respect their decisions, whether it’s staying, leaving, pressing charges, or seeking counselling. Let them decide. This is not the time to be forceful; let them exercise control over their healing journey.
• Help build their confidence: Getting out of an abusive relationship is not a walk in the park. Encourage them to reconnect with friends and family or explore hobbies and interests. This can rebuild their sense of self-worth and independence.
• Spread awareness: Talk openly about domestic violence and challenge the stigma surrounding it. This can help break the cycle of silence and shame.
• Advocate for change: Support organisations working to end domestic violence. You can volunteer, donate, or even lobby for legislation that protects survivors.
• Be a safe space: Let them know you’re someone they can trust and talk to without judgment. Create a safe space where they feel comfortable confiding in you. Express your concerns in a supportive, non-judgmental way. Let them know you are there for them.

If you realise that a victim is in immediate danger, call emergency services or the police and help them find a safe place to stay. Also, encourage professional help. Empowering survivors and promoting support is a collaborative effort; as women, we must all look out for one another.

Lastly, supporting survivors of domestic violence is important, but it can also be emotionally challenging. Practicing self-care is essential to maintain your well-being and continue offering effective support. If you ever find yourself on this path, don’t forget to prioritise seeking support for yourself. Talk to your own support network or consider professional counselling to help manage the stress that comes with providing assistance. Additionally, set healthy boundaries to prevent burnout. Establishing boundaries ensures you can continue to offer meaningful help without overwhelming yourself. Taking care of yourself helps you stay strong and available for those who need your support. In our next series, we will discuss the duty of the community to survivors.

And to every woman currently stuck in an endless cycle of domestic violence, Kate Thornton has a message for you, “...there’s no shame in talking out and walking out on their abusive partners.” You are courageous, and we support you.